Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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