I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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