There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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