Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
