A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
