im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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