just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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