i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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