I'm going to jail i love you
I just saw a hot homeless man
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
