dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
