i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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