I'm sorry my penis didn't work
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
