He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
