"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
