you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
