and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
