1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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