he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
