I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's official drugs can't kill me
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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