RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
