Rock
Scissors
Fuck
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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