Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
