Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
