I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize