you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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