i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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