my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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