this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
