so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
