i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
