So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize