i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
