So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
