well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize