I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
