Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
