I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
