Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you still have your period?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
True strength comes from lack of pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
