hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
