If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
