I just made out with a guy for $7.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
