I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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