i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
