my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
