I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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