I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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