I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
