Old men and throwing up are my life now.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
did you just send me my own nude
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