so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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