Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
