i was rollin on her like bob the builder
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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