woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
