And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
