I wanna bring you to show and tell
I wish my penis had an off switch
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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