Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Watching her eat just hurts me
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
