Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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