tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
