cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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