so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
