3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
