im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
