Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
