So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
