I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
