The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
