is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
organizing the empties. That sober.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
