hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize