I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Enjoy the penises
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
