The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
