You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
