I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
