allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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