Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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