I think my vagina is haunted
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
