So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
