My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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