Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
