tell your sister to shave her snatch
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
