12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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