i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
