Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I skipped work to stalk him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
