You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
