I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
3 2 1 whiskey
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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