Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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