i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
