He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
