He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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