im drinking this country out of the recession.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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