you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
