**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
