I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize