Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
