What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
