In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
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