Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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