Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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