I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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