i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
