I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
