Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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