Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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