Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
