I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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