she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
