There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
