oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
